dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
