please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
