Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize