I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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