i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry about my life...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
