This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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