All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
