just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I intend to get homeless drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
