fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
