Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
