I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
