we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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