we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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