I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
