Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
