I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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