Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
