Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
