Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
