we're blogging at a bar
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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