we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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