Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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