if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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