Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
