I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
