I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
