i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
