I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
