she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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