i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
