the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
