the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
