"it" just moved
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
