it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
