I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
