Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The air was thick with penises
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
