I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
