Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize