if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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