Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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