Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
sex in a hospital.. check
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
