I am in a vortex of obligation.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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