Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize