So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
