Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
