i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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