I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
