Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
