you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dignity is for republicans.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
