its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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