So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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