that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
