Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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