i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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