Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
