My balls are so social today.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
