Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
