Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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