my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
