Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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