Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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