She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
