I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
