I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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