That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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