Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize