im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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