I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
