I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont even know how to be here
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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