just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
